


The Kaylie Journals

by alexneverafter



Series: The Kaylie Journals Trilogy [1]
Category: All Time Low (Band)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-31
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2019-08-11 02:56:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 11,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16467317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexneverafter/pseuds/alexneverafter
Summary: Kaylie moves halfway across the country to live with her half-brother Alex after her mother commits suicide. While walking her new path, she meets Jack, a happy-go-lucky boy, who catches on a little too fast to her secrets, and she will do anything to make him keep his silence.Posted to AO3 from its original format on mibba





	1. Chapter One

I always knew this was going to happen.

The back of the police car was cramped. As though they wanted anyone who was arrested to feel like they were already in their jail cell. Maybe it was a good idea, as most likely that was where they were headed anyways.

But not me. No. I was the victim in this case. Not even directly. I suppose my mother was the victim. But she hadn’t thought about me, apparently.

No, I can’t even say that. She did think about me. In fact, she had made arrangements for me to go stay with my half-brother, my dad’s first mistake and first step into the failure that was his life.

I hadn’t see Alex in years. Now that I thought of it, I hadn’t seen him since I was 7, and now I was 16. Nine years had passed since we even spoke a word to each other, and I honestly doubted if my older brother, being 8 at the time, would have spoken to me much when we did see each other.

“You know, I bet she loved you with her life,” said the fat policeman in the front. “Otherwise she wouldn’t have made sure you would go somewhere familiar and safe.”

“She didn’t even bother to do that,” I muttered. “I haven’t seen my brother since I was 7, and I have honestly never met his mother or her new husband. She didn’t love me with her life. She took it, and ruined mine.”

See, Alex and mine’s dad had been killed in a car crash when I was 2 and he was 3. Alex, of course, lived with his mother, who later remarried a man named Peter. As far as I know, Peter raised Alex as his own and Alex calls him dad. I had never met Isobel, and since I hadn’t seen anyone in so many years, I haven’t met Peter either. I was going to a stranger’s home.

Did they even know I was coming? Were they really okay with this? I know I would be skeptical about some girl coming into my home.

My mom was named Layla. She was beautiful, and she used to be a Dallas cowboys cheerleader. She was fit, skinny, wanted. She had never met anyone who didn’t like her. Unfortunately, she attracted many old and unneeded men, who were looking for a lay.

My mom isn’t a whore. She refused them. Everything went just fine for her, and she was very happy. Until one man wouldn’t take no for an answer, and he raped my mother on the couch while I was watching cartoons mere feet away.

I was 8. Old enough to know when things were wrong. But my mom had many male friends, and I didn’t think anything of it. I hadn’t noticed that she was knocked out, and coming to.

She was too weak to struggle. The drug was strong, and she was small. She was 5’6 and a mere 97 pounds. Too small. She had been in a hospital many times for her weight and it seemed as though she just couldn’t gain weight. This trait had been passed to me, at least for a short time.

She laid in bed for days after the man left. I asked her what was wrong many times. She didn’t answer.

One day I came home from school and went to go show her my completed art project. It was an owl, made of clay and painted. I thought it was amazing, and I couldn’t wait to put it on mommy’s shelf so she could see it every day and smile. I hoped my owl would make her remember that she still had me. I had never caused any serious issues.

I walked into her room with the owl behind my back. She seemed to be asleep, so I left her alone. After two hours, I went back into her room with a bowl of microwave macaroni and cheese. I had made it all on my own. Usually she would crawl out of bed for a little bit and help me. It was warm and ready with some hot dogs, albeit they were ripped and not cut, as I wasn’t allowed to touch knives.

This time, I decided to wake her up so she could eat.

After ten minutes of no response, I ran across the hall to my neighbor’s apartment. Mary, her name was, was an older lady who my mom occasionally would hang around with. They did laundry on the same days, and would socialize in the laundry room while they waited for their clothes. Mary called 911, and I stayed with her as my mom recovered from her suicide attempt in the psych ward at the Dallas hospital.

Eventually, her attempt worked. Today I had come home to see my mother hanging from the ceiling fan by a bungee cord. I was taken from my home, after being given about twenty minutes to pack a few quick bags. I suppose the cops had called Alex’s family during that time, while the medical team took my mother’s body away from her home, with me.

“I’m sorry, Kaylie,” he said quietly.


	2. Chapter Two

“Please raise your traisy-waisys!” called a very obviously, gay flight attendant. “The man in charge is going to land the big scary plane now!”

A couple people laughed. One man shot the flight attendant a very nasty look, but did as he was told, anyways.

The airport wasn’t huge, like airports that I was used to. But it was big enough for me to not understand where I was going. Alex and his family were supposed to be here waiting for me, and I secretly hoped that they wouldn’t show up for me, so I could leave and make a life on my own. This was illogical, and I knew it. But it didn't stop me from hoping for it.

I sat down in the nearest seat and glanced around. A tall woman, a very short man, a little girl, and her twin were near me. I didn’t see anyone who resembled the information I had been given regarding Alex and his family.

I felt so tired. I had spent most of the flight watching a highly edited Wolf of Wall Street, but hardly noticing what was going on. My thoughts were somehow racing and non-existent at the same time.

“Hey, honey,” said a voice.

I flipped around to see a middle aged man standing there with a concerned look on his face.

“What?”

“I had a family ask me to find someone for them, and I think that someone is you. Are you looking for your brother?”

“If I was honestly looking do you think I would be sitting here? But yes, I suppose I do need to find them, seeing as I have nowhere to go now that my mom’s offed herself.”

The man turned away, maybe trying not to react to what I had just so blatantly said. He gestured for me to follow him, and I pulled my duffel bag over my shoulder and did so.

After about ten minutes of walking, I realized I was back near where I had started. I had wandered away from where I needed to be for quite a ways.

The family that he led me to wasn’t anything like I expected. In fact, there was one more boy than I thought there was going to be, and I wasn’t sure where he had come from, though he did resemble Alex a little bit. Had my father made a third child with some other woman, and now this one lived with Alex too? What had happened to his mother? Or was Isobel his mother?

“HEY ALEX I THINK THAT’S HER DO YOU SEE HER DO YOU SEE. SHE HAS PRETTY HAIR THAT’S SO COOL I WISH I COULD DO THAT. HEYYYYYYYYYY!”

I stopped where I was standing and eyed down the boy. His head looked like someone had made an effort to bleach his hair and then got bored and stopped half way through. Otherwise he seemed okay looking. His voice, however, was way too loud for me, and I made a mental note to stay away from him.

“Yeah, Jack, I see her. Now shut up, please. I don’t want her to have lost her hearing before she even gets home.” Alex said, not looking away from me.

I approached the family nervously.

“Oh, sweetie!! You’re even prettier than in your pictures!” said Alex’s mom. She pulled me in for a hug, which was a little awkward for me, but I didn’t pull away, desperate for even the slightest bit of affection. “We are so excited for you to come live with us, aren’t we Peter?”

She glanced over at a man about three feet away from her. He nodded slowly, albeit a smile on his face.

I had barely time to take a breath before I was grabbed by Alex, who pulled me into a tight hug. He smelled like cologne and he was so much bigger than me, that his arms completely covered my shoulders when he wrapped his arms around me. I folded into him, glad for all the hugs I was getting. These hugs were the first ones I had gotten in months. I felt like I was starving for attention.

“Oh I have missed you so much, Kaylie. I always wondered when I would see you–“

“Kaylie? That’s such a pretty name!” the bleach haired boy yelled out. “Can I hug you too, Kaybugs?”

I wrinkled my nose at his nickname for me. No one had ever given me a nickname before. I had only ever been called Kaylie or Kay.

Alex let me go slowly and whispered in my ear, “Just let him hug you, or he will never shut up. Leave your bags on the floor, we can get them.”

I set my bags down and let him hug me, wondering what my life was about to become.


	3. Chapter Three

The boy with the bleached hair was named Jack. He was a little taller than Alex, and skinny. He was not, in fact, related to Alex or me at all. Which meant no one was forcing Alex to hang around with him. I questioned my half-brother’s sanity on the car ride to his home.

“So, this is your room,” Alex said, shaking Jack off his arm, during the tour of his house. “Mom and I worked pretty hard at decorating. I wasn’t positive on your favorite colors so I went through your Facebook page to find a color in your likes. Blue was all I could find, so I hope that you do actually like that color and it wasn’t just a page called blue.” He glanced up at me, while Jack played with his fingers.

The room was beautiful. Alex lived in a normal sized house. Three rooms, all upstairs. His mom and dad had the master bedroom, with their own private bathroom. Alex lived in the room at the very end of the hall. He had a large closet but a smaller bathroom, because, as he said, “that’s less space to keep clean.” The only difference, though, was counter space and shower size.

The room was basic, but I thought it was perfect. A black and blue bedspread spread across a queen sized bed, across from a dresser with six drawers. The entire thing was larger by far than my room back at home.

Home. No, Kaylie. This is home now. Get used to it and stop thinking your mom is going to come get you. 

I pinched my arm a bit and followed Alex to my bathroom. My own bathroom... it was just crazy to think of as I followed my brother.

“There’s no scale in here, so don’t bother looking for one. Mom doesn’t believe in having your weight in numbers. She says as long as you like what you see in the mirror, you’re perfectly fine.” Alex leaned forward and kissed the top of my head. “I’m really glad you’re here, Kaylie. I’m not happy about why, but I’m glad you’re here. I’ve missed you a lot. If you need me, please just text me.”

"I, uh... I don't have a cell phone." I bit my lip.

"Oh. Right." Alex reached into his back pocket and pulled out an iPhone 7. "This is my old phone, but mom and dad activated it for you. We weren't sure if you would have a phone or not. It's a little dented on the back, but... anyways I put myself in the contacts for you, and your number as well."

"Mine is in there, too!" Jack said, smiling.

"Wow," I said, taking the black phone from his outstretched hand. "Thank you."

Alex smiled at me as he watched me turn the phone on. He leaned forward and kissed the top of my head, grabbed Jack, and made his exit.

My bags were sitting at the foot of the bed. I guess it is time to unpack. I set the phone down on the bed as I heard my door click shut. I wouldn't be texting Alex, I knew that. I wasn't going to show him my weakness.

As I pulled socks out of my bag, I thought about my mom. What had been the factors that led her to suicide? Obviously she had issues, and I had known that. But I couldn’t help but wonder what the very last straw was.

I placed the socks in the top drawer of my new dresser. I wasn’t going to think about her now. Maybe I wouldn’t think about her ever. That would be easier, wouldn’t it? Just not think about her? Maybe then I would just forget. Convince myself that I had grown up here, with Alex. Grown up thinking Peter was my dad, too.

Unpacking took about two hours, despite the fact that I didn’t have much. I was very picky about where I placed things.

I didn’t leave my room that night. Instead, I locked my door, keeping out everyone and keeping me in.

~x~

“I don’t understand, mommy.” I said to my mom as she rolled over in bed. “How come you don’t like that one anymore? Was he mean to you?”

“Yes, Kaykay. He was mean to mommy, and now mommy just needs to relax for a little bit.”

I crawled up on her bed, settling myself pretzel-legged in front of her, so I could see her face. “What did he do that was mean?”

“Kaylie, some men... They like to take things without asking, because they think or because they have heard that it is free.”

“You mean like the lady at the store who gives out pizza bites? Is that mean? Because I won’t take them anymore if it is.” I held my stuffed lion tightly.

“Sort of. But you can take the pizza bites, Kaylie. Those are for you and for all the other little girls and boys who want to try it. They’re for the mommies and daddies to decide if they want to get them for you. But sometimes it isn’t the same. Sometimes people want something more. Something bigger. And they want something that is very personal to you. You want to keep it, but they’re trying to take it away. And you like it so much, you don’t want anyone to take it without you saying yes.”

“Like Nikky?” I held my stuffed lion closer to my body, suddenly afraid that someone would take him away.

“Yes, like Nikky. Mommy loved this thing a lot, and the mean one took it without asking. That isn’t nice, is it, Kaylie?”

“No. That isn’t nice at all, mommy. Can you ask him for it back?”

“I can’t get it back, honey. It can only be used once.”

“Can you get more?”

“Kaylie, do you remember the Nikkys that we saw at the store? If we had gotten all of the Nikkys, would you want to keep them all or have someone take them away from you without asking?”

“I’d want to keep them all. I want all the Nikkys.”


	4. Chapter Four

I woke up with a start. Nikky was near me. I grabbed him eagerly.

“Are you okay?”

I jumped and flipped around to see Alex sitting in a chair near my bed.

“I’m sorry, but mom noticed that you hadn’t come down for dinner, so she sent me up to check on you. She thinks you’re too thin, and I think she is going to try to fatten you up, like she does to Jack. But that kid just can’t gain weight, and it frustrates her. But anyways I’ve been here for about ten minutes. Do you have a sleep disorder?”

“Um, no, I don’t think so. Why?”

“Well, it’s just that when you sleep, you move around a lot. Did you have a bad dream?”

“No, not really. It was more a memory.”

“What was the memory?”

“Something with my mom,” I said, trying to remember the dream that was already fading away. “I guess I miss her more than I thought I would,”

“Did you think you wouldn’t miss her?” Alex asked, sounding surprised.

“I don’t know. I hadn’t really thought about it. It’s just that she wasn’t really present, even when she was there. I know that doesn’t make any sense. I just didn’t think going without parents would be this... exhausting.” I paused, thinking about my father. “Do you ever miss our dad?”

“Not really. Neither of us were really old enough to remember him, were we?”

“I suppose not. I don’t know, sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if he wasn’t a fuck up and if he wasn’t dead. Maybe we would have spent our whole lives together. Maybe we could have been on a schedule where we would both stay at his house every other weekend so we could grow up together like normal siblings.”

“We are normal siblings,” Alex said, sitting up straighter. “We just don’t really know each other well enough to realize it. But I’m going to change that, don’t you worry.”

“It must be really weird to have two parents,” I said, picking at a piece of stray fur from my stuffed lion.

“Why would that be weird?”

“I don’t know, it just seems like having two parents would be a lot of work.”

Alex laughed. “I guess I won’t be able to understand that part of your logic. I probably wouldn’t be able to understand growing up with only one parent. Especially one that wasn’t present. But let’s focus on the future.”

“I don’t understand why you care so much. You don’t even know me, just like you said.”

“Just because we don’t know each other that well right now, doesn’t mean I don’t care about you or that we can’t become close, if that’s what you want. Or you could be the little sister and I could be the brother that ignores you and is annoyed by you?” He smiled at me as I shook my head.

“I don’t really have anyone, and I’ve never been good at making friends,” I said quickly. “So if you could be my friend.”

He laughed a little. “Did you ever see the picture I have?” I shook my head. “Here, I’ll show you.”

He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a black leather wallet. He opened it up, and for a split second I thought he was about to hand me money. But it was pretty much empty, besides a few coins and spare dollars.

He pulled out an old photograph and handed it to me. It was a copy of the only picture we had together. I had a copy, myself. I knew the image by heart. There was a young Alex, playing a blow up guitar that he had won from a carnival, and me sitting near him, happy as could be, cheering him on. Being the audience.

The picture was frayed at the edges, and there was a crease in a corner that had turned white. It had clearly been removed from his wallet often enough to have been accidentally bent. I ran my fingers over the crease, knowing the feeling. My copy had a bend similar, one I had caused while changing the frame when we had first moved into the home I had been taken from.

"I have this picture," I said, sliding my legs over the side of the bed. Our legs were mere inches apart. "It's the-"

"Only picture we have, yeah, I know." He held out his hand and I placed the picture in his palm. He slid it back into his wallet and pocketed the wallet. "But I'm sure that will change. If there's anything Rian's girlfriend loves, it's taking pictures. I'm sure she will get some and you can replace this old one." He glanced at his watch. “That reminds me, I have band practice at 8. You’re coming with me, so you can meet your new friends.”

“My new friends?”

“Yeah, my bandmates. Didn’t you say you’re not good at making friends? I’ll help you. Do you want to wear your pajamas or do you want to put some clothes on?"


	5. Chapter Five

The house Alex drove me and him to was big. A little bigger than Alex’s home, but by no means a mansion. I imagined that the inhabitants had plenty of space to store things. They all probably had pretty decent sized bedrooms and closets, also.

Alex led me to the basement. At first I thought it was a family room or something along those lines. The floor was carpeted. There was a flat screen TV on the wall near a couch. A video camera was in front of what looked like a stage set up, probably done by Alex and his friends.

Jack was already down there, smiling at something that I apparently couldn’t see.

Alex hit his shoulder. “What the hell are you staring at?”

“I was just thinking about how cute I am,” Jack responded, sighing. “If only I had a girlfriend. She would be so lucky, getting to date me. I wish I could date me.”

“You already have sex with yourself so why not just make it official?”

Jack’s eyes opened wide. “You’re right! Okay, from this moment on, I’m taken by my left hand. Unless Kaylie wants to date.”

I flipped around. Did Jack just say I should date him?

“Hey,” Alex said sternly. “That’s my little sister you’re talking about, here. Careful what you say when I’m around.”

“Kaylie, do you wanna go on a date?” Jack ran up to me, almost tripping over his feet as he did.

“Jack! Did you not just hear me?” Alex said loudly.

I had no need to respond, as a boy with short hair and lots of muscles came down the steps and joined our small group. His eyes landed on me instantly.

“Who’s this?” He gestured to me as I took a few steps back.

“My sister,” Alex said calmly as he set up the video camera the way he wanted. “We rescued her.”

“Rescued her?”

“My mom killed herself,” I said.

The boy’s eyes widened and he stared at me as though I had just transformed into something completely new. “Oh. I’m sorry for your loss...”

“Just don’t talk about it,” Alex said quietly. I had a feeling that he hadn't meant for me to hear it.

The boy blinked. “Yeah. Well, anyways... I’m Zack. Welcome to our band practice. Where we rehearse shitty music in Jack’s basement. We are only allowed to do it at certain times though, cause Jack’s mom says that noise pollution is a crime and she doesn’t want to go to jail.”

Jack smiled and hopped around my side to face Zack. “She’s my girlfriend.” He slid his arm around my shoulders, and I took a step away from him.

“Jack, man. She is not your girlfriend, you hardly even know her.” My brother didn’t look up at his friend this time. Instead he started to check cords, to make sure they were connected. I wasn't entirely sure what he was doing, as I knew next to nothing about what he did.

“I’m Kaylie,” I said to Zack. “And I am not his girlfriend.”

Zack smiled. “There’s pizza upstairs. If you're hungry you can go have some.”

“I’m really not-“

Alex looked over. “You didn’t even eat dinner, how can you even suggest that you’re not hungry? Go up and eat or I will tell mom.”

What was telling his mom going to do? I doubted she would do much of anything. But this was the only threat he had. I sighed, recognizing the defeat, and made my way up the stairs. I could feel Alex's eyes on me as I took the steps slowly.

I nearly crashed into another boy on my way up the stairs. He had kind eyes and seemed like he would have a younger sister himself. But upon questioning him, I discovered he didn’t have a sister. He only had a girlfriend named Cassadee, and she was in his French 3 class. His name was Rian, with an “I” and not a “Y”. He smiled and gave me a quick hug before continuing down the steps.

The upstairs looked different now that I could look at it correctly since I wasn’t being rushed to the basement. There, on the black marble counter, was a pizza. Four slices remained, but there were two empty boxes next to the slices remaining.

I sat at the bar stool and looked down at the slices. Pepperoni, sausage, cheese. Extra cheese. How many calories sat in only one slice? Those boys down the steps had already eaten two boxes of pizza! Didn’t they know how many calories that was? Far too many for me to risk consuming. But surely they would notice if they came back and no slices were missing... Unless they didn't notice? Alex was sure to be the only one who would care, and he hadn't even been here to eat any of this pizza. Surely he wouldn't notice, then.

I paced the kitchen. Eventually I heard them start playing. From where I was, I couldn’t understand a single thing they were singing. I couldn’t even tell if Alex was a good singer or not.

I don’t know how long I paced. A while. As I was disposing of two slices in the garbage, on the off chance that someone noticed, a voice interrupted my thoughts.

“Wasn’t that pizza great?”

I flipped around. Jack stood there with a sad little smile on his face.

“You missed dinner at home, you tried to tell Zack that you weren’t hungry, then you waited up here long enough to make us think you were eating… and you’re really throwing it away? I’m starting to question your decisions, Kaylie.”

I froze, eyes widening with every word he spoke.

“It’s nothing, Jack. I promise I have it under control.” My hands were getting sweaty. My secret was about to be exposed. And to Jack, of all people. “I know what I’m doing. Just please don’t tell Alex. Or anyone. Please.”

Jack didn’t smile now. I felt like he was seeing straight through my lies as his eyes scanned me as much as he could. “I don’t believe you, Kaylie. I don’t think you know what you’re doing. I think you have no idea.”

"No, I... I do know. I have this under control, I haven't been eating much for a long time... my mom... she wasn't always in the right state to go out and buy food... I'm just not used to eating much, anyways!" I was getting desperate, and it was starting to show in my voice. "I'm just not..." I bit my lip as I waited for him to say something. Anything.

But he didn't say anything. He gave me one last look, and headed back down the steps quietly.


	6. Chapter Six

I felt trapped as I paced my room that night. Already, I had been caught. And he hadn’t promised not to tell anyone. He had just said he didn’t think I knew what I was doing. And then he walked out. Even my weak explanations hadn't seemed to accomplish anything except confirm for him that what he saw was indeed a problem I had. What was more, I had confirmed that it was a problem I had for years.

What did he know anyways? I doubted he had ever been in my shoes. I doubted any of them had. Or ever would. The two and a half empty pizza boxes proved that.

Maybe I could try and get him on his own. I could do a better job at explaining my situation and maybe make him understand. But how could I get him on his own when Alex had already made it pretty clear how much he was against it.

What could I do? Nothing but try.

~x~

“So, do you think I could hang out with Jack on my own sometime?” I nervously asked Alex.

He looked up quickly. “Jack? Why? How about Zack, do you like him?”

“Well sure I do, but I want to get to know Jack a little bit. I promise I won’t get too involved with your friend.”

“That’s not the issue. I mean, I love Jack. It wouldn’t be a big deal if you two hung out. It would be a big deal, say, if he put his hands on you. I would prefer Zack.”

Alex shoved a sausage link in his mouth, cramming breakfast in for another day at school. “Anyways, school. You’re a junior... so you can come to prom with us if you’d like. I’ll see if Zack has a date yet. Then it is graduation for us. But you’ll have another year, so we will get to that when it comes. We might be going on tour, so I won’t be here for most of your senior year.

“So things to know at school… don’t talk to the guy that sits in the corner of the cafeteria. He always has what looks like caramel apples on a stick and he likes to try and hand them out.”

“What’s wrong with that? It sounds nice to me.”

“What’s wrong with it is that they aren’t apples, they’re raw onions covered in caramel with a stick jammed in them. People confuse them as apples since they’re about the same size and shape. The scent is pretty much covered by the amount of caramel he loads on those things. He even gets the red onions just in case the caramel misses a spot. Also, if he asks if you want to buy a watch, just say no. Don’t even humor him, just say no.”

I blinked a few too many times as I cut my sausages into tiny pieces and squished them into one another. Keep him talking. Keep him distracted. “Any idea what my schedule is?”

We’ll pick it up from Student Services once we get there. Come on, we have to go before it’s late.” He pulled a pack of gum from his pocket and popped a piece in his mouth, sliding one across the table for me. I picked it up, eyeing it down as I tried to guess how many calories were in the stick of gum.

“Kaylie.” Alex’s voice rang out and pulled me from my trance of calorie-guessing.

“What? I’m sorry, I’m just a little nervous.”

“It’s just gum,” he said, looking down at my breakfast plate, which was just food squished and cut up and moved around.

My hands shook as I picked the piece up and put it in my mouth nervously.

15 calories, you fat failure. 

~x~

I felt like the first four classes took forever. I was just waiting for lunch, where I could see Alex and act like it was normal for me to be there. I had already been introduced by a teacher four times, three of which were to my entire class period. I docked myself two points every time this happened. I pretty much guessed that this wasn’t helping me win friends, anyways.

When lunch came around, I spotted the Caramel Onion guy before I found my brother.

Alex was sitting with his bandmates and a pretty girl. At the table next to theirs, a few girls were giggling at the back of Alex’s head. I guess I should have guessed that he would have some admirers. He was probably one of the most popular kids in school. Being in a band boosted his status, I’m sure. He probably didn’t have to worry about docking points.

Was it my place to sit with them? He hadn’t said that I should come sit with him at lunch. He had just told me to avoid the guy in the corner.

I bit my lip and looked around the cafeteria, searching for an empty table to occupy. I had just located one when someone yelled my name.

It was Jack, his usual smile back in place, waving his hand at me, no doubt summoning me to sit by him.

Half the school had looked around when Jack yelled my name. Only just then did it occur to me that this school was rather large. At least 170 kids had been spread out in my first four classes. And if Alex and his friends had the status that I guessed they had, I would bet that most only looked around because they heard Jack’s well known voice yell a name they hadn’t heard before.

I put my head down as I made my way to the table. It was like a movie, the way I could hear the students whispering.

As I sat down, Alex held his hand out and said, “Hey, sis. How was your first day?"

"Day's not over yet, Alex," I said, bringing my bag onto the table and reaching inside for something to mess with to keep my hands occupied. I landed on my schedule and pulled it out quickly, dropping my bag onto the floor between mine and Alex's chairs.

"Basically," he said, shoving a chip into his mouth. "Only three classes left. What do you have for the rest of the day?"

He reached over and slid my schedule towards him. "Creative Writing, English 4, and Advanced Art? Jesus, Kaylie. English 4 is a senior class. How'd you get into that?" He slid it back to me, but it was quickly taken from me again by Rian.

"I like English," I said, tapping my fingers on the table.

"Well, you'll be in that class with Cass and Jack," Rian said, giving my schedule back. He gestured to the girl sitting next to him.


	7. Chapter Seven

“So you’re Kaylie?” The only girl at the table said to me, smiling. “I’m Cassadee. Rian’s girlfriend. I am also probably going to be the one who drags you prom dress shopping and shoe shopping and mani-getting.” She held a hand out as though I was going to shake it.

“I’m not really into prom,” I said, watching her for a response as I ignored her gesture for a hand shake.

“See the thing about Cassadee is that it doesn’t matter what you think you are and aren’t into,” Zack said, probably trying to save the table from acknowledging what I had just done. “She will make you into whatever thing it is.”

“Don’t worry,” Cassadee smiled. “I know the best prom dress store ever. You have a perfect figure, too. Oh we are going to have fun with you. You’re a junior?”

“Yeah, I, um, turn 17 this summer.”

“Awesome, we can throw you a party.”

I bit my lip. What was with this girl? She didn’t even know me, yet she spoke like she and I were best friends. Even her tone suggested that we had been friends for ages, and I had just come back from a long vacation.

“Well, okay,” I said quietly. I could hear whispers behind me as the school looked over at our table, curious as to how Alex had a sister and no one had ever known. Especially a high school aged sister.

I wondered how this would change me. Surely it would. Not that I wanted or needed that. Would girls come after me to get to my brother? Would boys look at me more closely now? I was going to have to watch my calorie intake for sure now… What had I done?

~x~

Creative Writing class slid by quickly. It was a "catch up" day for everyone else, but for me, it was a day to look over the syllabus that everyone else had received a month ago. I was getting a pass on the first month of assignments, and I had that advantage to get ahead on the assignments due in the future. By the time the class ended, I closed my purple notebook with next week's poem about my favorite things, feeling confident I would get a good grade on it.

English 4 was not as pleasant. I was seated in the back row, in the only desk not taken. This spot was right next to Jack, who spent the class period flicking pieces of broken eraser at me. This was highly distracting as I tried to take notes. When we were asked to get into pairs and interpret the meanings behind certain paragraphs of a Shakespeare story, I paired with Cass.

Finally, it was time for my Advanced Art class. The one class I was never stressed in. The one class that I always loved and always put full effort into. So of course, it had to be interfered with.

“So, you’re related to Alex?”

“Yes. You should have been able to figure that out by my last name being the same as his. But if you’re going to sit here, I really don’t want to talk about my brother. I would rather just stick to art related things. If you don’t mind.” I didn’t even look up at him. I already knew who he was.

The boy was tall. He had black hair and blue eyes. He was cute, yes. Apparently he modeled for some sort of scene community online. People guessed that he was bisexual, but it was never confirmed by him or any of his friends. Even I had already learned that he was sought after. The last thing I wanted was this boy looking at me. I could hardly take anything in as it was.

“I’m Derek.”

“Alright.”

He slid in the chair next to mine, and examined my things, which were in a pile in front of me rather than in a binder like most other people in the school.

“Do you have a favorite color?”

“Yes.” I knew he wanted me to tell him that color, but I didn’t really want to talk to this boy as it was. I definitely didn’t need him having information on me, even if it was something that small.

“My favorite color is green, but you would never know by looking at me. I wear black a lot because it makes me more attractive.” Derek smiled a little and kept watching my face for signs of me reacting. I remained still. “I’m sure you work pretty hard to stay attractive, don’t you? I mean, for some people it comes naturally. Like me. That’s why I model for Unseen Scene. Because I am attractive. Maybe someday you could do something small, you know? Don’t try to do what I do right away, you have to be extremely attractive to get in that high to start. I did it, but I doubt many other people could. They would probably put you on a diet, anyways, so if you want to try, start with that.” He picked up one of my colored pencils and twirled it between his fingers.

It was hard to remain still after that. My fists clenched under the table, and I had an extreme desire to either deck him in the face or place a well aimed knee between his legs.

“So anyways, since you are the new girl, I think we should hang out more.”

“What? How does me being new justify us hanging out?”

“Well you see, Kaylie. I’m going to be honest with you. I am the hot shit in this school. You are the new girl, and you need some steps up the ladder. I could get you those steps.”

"There's nothing I need from anyone else," I said, snatching the colored pencil from his hand. The tip broke off, and red dust fell onto my paper. I hastily tried to wipe it away, leaving light red streaks across my art. Irritated, I tried to correct my mistake.

"Everyone needs something from someone," Derek said, leaning over the table so his mouth was inches from me. "I could help you get certain things, if you know what I mean, Kaylie."

I opened my mouth to retort, but was cut off by a loud sound.

“Excuse me?” came a voice from the classroom’s doorway.

I flipped around. It was Alex.

“I’m here to get Kaylie Gaskarth? I’m her brother.”

“Oh!” my art teacher exclaimed. “Alex! It has been too long, you little artist. You need to stop in some time so we can catch up. I didn’t even know you had a sister. Do you have a note from Student Services to let her go?”

“Oh, you know what Mrs. J, I completely forgot to run down there. I just remembered that she has to come with me and my mom to finalize some legal things. We didn’t mean to schedule it during school hours, but if we didn’t take that appointment, it would be months before we could get in again. I’m really sorry, I can go down and get the slip, if you want me to.”

He was such a little liar. He played the teacher exactly the right way, and I had a feeling that this wasn't the first time this teacher had been played this way. She was putty in his hands.

He started to make his way out the door, but my teacher quickly called him back. “Oh, honey, I believe you. Just leave quickly before someone else catches you and throws a fit. Kaylie, you may go. Have a good night, and don’t forget to sketch tonight.”

I nodded and got up, feeling Derek’s eyes on me the whole time.


	8. Chapter Eight

“You’re a good liar,” I said, once out of earshot from the classroom.

“Must not be, if you figured it out that quickly,” He said, pulling things out of his backpack. “We have to get out of here.”

“Get out of here?” I stopped, worried. “What do you mean?”

Alex turned around to face me. “I mean I need to get out of here. And I don’t want to ditch by myself.”

I didn’t think it was a good idea for me to skip class on my first day here, but the thought of Derek kept me from going back to my art class.

“Why do you need to get out of here? Are you alright?” I had to take a couple steps a little faster to keep up with my taller brother. He stopped walking and dropped his backpack onto a bench in the hallway.

“I’m fine, it’s just my anxiety is acting up.” He dropped the things he had already taken from his backpack onto the bench and continued to dig in his bag. “We’re supposed to present our reports today and it means standing in front of the class and I’m just... I just don’t want to do it today.”

His hands finally closed around an orange bottle with a white cap that I identified as a prescription bottle. He held it up to show me. “I need these for my anxiety attacks.”

“Oh,” I said as I watched him take one of the pills inside and then repack his bag. “Does it happen a lot?”

“Sometimes. This one is pretty mild. Usually they’re really bad and I have to take two.” He finished repacking his backpack and we started moving to the closest door.

“Alex?” I said cautiously as we slipped out a side door. He didn’t stop walking, but nodded his head to let me know he had heard. “Who is Derek?”

He stopped dead in his tracks. “The black haired modeling guy?” He grabbed my hand, pulling me around the corner, away from the security guards in front of the school.

“Yeah… I mean, I know who he is, but who is he?”

“He’s a dick, that’s who he is. Four different girls have transferred schools, saying it was because of him. Addie, she would have been a junior this year. Madalyn, she would have been a senior… and I’m ashamed to say I don’t remember the names of the other two girls. This way. This is the lot we parked in.”

I followed his steps as quickly as I could. Alex’s black Porsche was a few mere feet away from us now. I didn’t see anybody nearby that would ask for a pass to get out. As soon as we were safely in the car, Alex looked at me carefully. “Kaylie why don’t you eat?”

“What?” I dropped my bag on my foot, causing me to wince in the pain of my newly received textbooks squishing my toes.

“Why didn’t you eat at lunch?” Alex started the car and started to pull out from the parking lot. “And I saw your plate from this morning. It didn’t look like you ate that much, if anything.”

“I just... wasn’t hungry. I ate at your practice last night,” I said nervously. Had Jack already gotten to Alex?

“Yeah, I know. Sorry, I guess I am just overreacting. I missed quite a few years, anything could have happened to you in that time. You’d tell me if something was up, right? I mean, if you had some sort of… issue?”

“Uh, yeah.” Jack clearly hadn’t gotten to Alex yet. Or he would never accept this as an answer. But he did, and he made a left turn as he nodded.

The ride to wherever we were going was silent. Alex didn’t even bother to turn the radio on, and he didn’t speak, possibly lost in thought of the things that could have happened to me. Maybe thinking about practice with his friends. Hopefully not thinking about my plate from this morning.

“Here we are,” he said about ten minutes later. Getting out of the car, which he had parked in some grass, I could tell this spot had been visited before.

“We come here sometimes,” Alex said, reaching for my hand. I took it, the warmth from his hand surrounding my cold one. He didn’t comment on it. “I’ll show you around.”

We walked up the grass hill, until finally we came to a large bunch of trees. Some of the trees were pushed aside, like an entrance.

“I don’t want to go in there,” I said, pulling away from Alex. “There’s probably bugs in there.”

“Oh, c’mon, Kaylie. I’ll kill any bugs that threaten you.” He pulled me closer, kissing my head. “I have a surprise for you, anyways. C’mon.”

He led me into the path, and I could see that indeed they visited. Not just sometimes, but frequently. It was like a house, made of trees. An enchanted forest was my first thought.

“You wanted to get to know Jack, right?” He asked as he stepped through the trees and branches. Leaves crinkled underneath our feet with every step we took.

“Yeah...”

“Well, this is the place we go when we want to skip, or to get away from something. We don’t always want to be at a home. Sometimes we just need to be able to get out. You know?”

We were still going straight. For a good ten feet. And then, it was open. An open field. Yellow, dying grass of October peppered the ground. And then, a blanket. A fairly large blanket, with none other than Jack laying on it, looking at the clouds.

“I thought we could all get to know each other a little. Together.” Alex smiled at me and I looked around.

This space looked like a deserted farmland. The trees seemed abandoned other than what they had altered themselves. It did seem like a fairly solitary place to be. Alex had brought me here so he could give me what I had asked for, without making himself uncomfortable. I bit my lip. It was nice of him, but now I owed him.

I ran out of things to look at, and slowly sat on the blanket, next to a patch of fluffy white dandelions. I picked one up as Alex sat down next to Jack.

“So...” He said, watching me touch the tips of the dandelion fuzz.

“Do you see that cloud, Kaylie?” Jack said suddenly, without moving. “Do you see the way it just… floats along? It just floats along. It doesn’t know where it’s going. It just… goes. And you know what will happen to that cloud one day, Kaybugs?”

He looked over at me, spreading his arms out on either side of his body, but not reaching me. His fingers spread out in an attempt to reach further, but it was futile.

“It evaporates?” I guessed, unsure where he was going with this.

“It evaporates.” He looked back up at the sky, smiling. “It gets smaller and smaller as it goes along, until it evaporates, and is gone forever. Do you ever worry you’ll get so small you’ll be gone forever?”


	9. Chapter Nine

“Jack.” I said sternly, suddenly realizing he was talking about me.

Alex cleared his throat. “Anyways, I thought we could, you know, get to know each other. I mean, Kaylie’s been missing from my life for a long time, and…” Alex made himself comfortable on the blanket. “Kaylie, I want to know your story.”

“My story?”

“Yeah. Where have you been, who were your friends? You know, that kind of stuff.” Alex picked at a loose thread on the blanket. “So, I’ll ask a question, and you’ll answer. Then you can ask me a question. See?”

“What about me?” Jack said in a whining voice.

“We’ll get to you,” I snapped at him. Alex’s eyes shot between me and Jack, while Jack stared at me, with eyes threatening to reveal me.

“Anyways. I’ll go first,” Alex said quietly. “Favorite color?”

“Blue,” I said, twirling some of the strands of my blue hair. “Wasn’t it obvious?” I smiled at him. “What’s yours?”

“Blue,” he said, smiling. “Must be genetic.” He picked a fluffy dandelion out of the grass and blew the fluffs away from him.

“What did you wish for?” I asked.

“Is that your question?” He responded, ripping the stem of the dandelion.

“I guess so.”

“Well I can’t tell you what I wished for. Isn’t that how it works?” He dropped the ripped stem into the grass and picked up another fluffy dandelion. “Where have you been living?”

“Dallas. In an apartment. Why are you making music?”

“I am in love with the beat,” he said, without thought. “The sounds. Why did your mother kill herself?”

The question took me by surprise, but I made an attempt to answer anyways. This proved harder than I thought, as I didn’t really have an answer. “She was not happy.”

Jack was watching me carefully now. Surely looking for some sort of backstory on me.

“Why wasn’t she happy?” Alex pressed on, pulling tiny fluffs off of his dandelion.

“She used to be young and beautiful,” I said, eyes burning, threatening tears. “Men did things to her. Things she didn’t like. Right in front of me. She was depressed. I couldn’t help her. My owl didn’t make her happy.” I was starting to panic now. I hadn’t dealt with this one bit. Deciding not to think about it at all wasn’t practical. I should’ve just felt it, and cried myself out. But now I was here, probably about to cry myself out in front of two people who barely knew me, and one of those people already thought I was broken enough.

“Your owl? What do you mean, your owl?”

“I was eight. I made this art project. An owl. I made it out of clay, and I painted it, just for her. I went to go give it to her, but she was sleeping. At least I thought she was. She was really half dead. Only I didn’t know. I made her some macaroni, so she could have dinner… but she wouldn’t wake up… I had to go across the hall and get a neighbor…” Tears fell. I shouldn’t have put this off. I should have done this last night.

“Kaylie, it’s only been two days, we don’t need to talk about this. It was wrong of me to ask.”

“Can we just go home?” I asked, desperate to get into my bed and hide under the blankets and deal with this in peace. I wiped my face with my hands and blinked as fast as I could, trying to keep away more tears.

“We can go home if you want, sure. Jack.” Alex stood, and Jack moved off of the blanket. Jack didn’t seem to think about whether or not I wanted him near me, and he helped me stand. Alex wrapped the blanket around me, and swiftly picked me up.

“Kaylie, you’re… really light…”

“Some girls are just smaller,” Jack said quickly. “I mean you’re used to carrying me around, I bet anyone would feel light compared to me.”

Alex laughed it off as he walked to his car, but I knew that Jack had saved that moment. For now, I was in the clear. Thanks to him. Would I ever stop owing these people?

~x~

“You must eat some more, dear!” Isobel fretted over me at the dinner table that night. “Is there something in specific that you like to eat?”

“Oh, no,” I said quickly. “I just don’t have that big of a stomach. We always had small portions back in Texas, you know, we didn’t make that much money. We saved all we could.”

“Well you don’t need to worry about that here,” Peter said, laughing a little. “I mean we like coupons, but don’t worry about food. There will always be more than enough here.”

I bit my lip, wondering what it must be like to grow up the way Alex had. Loved, fed, happy.

“Dad,” Alex said under his breath, pushing some spaghetti around his plate with his fork. I looked down at my plate. Alex clearly knew what I was thinking, and didn’t want to call attention to it. I was grateful.

Peter glanced at his son before taking another forkful of spaghetti in his mouth.

“Mom, I’m actually not too hungry, could Kaylie and I go out?”

“Out where? It’s a school night.” Isobel picked up mine and Alex’s plates, waiting for her son to answer.

“Just out for some ice cream or something. I’m going to help Kaylie with her Trigonometry. Math sucks, we might as well eat something sweet while we slowly torture ourselves to death.”

Peter gagged on his coffee, trying to hold back a laugh. The pride glowed through his face, though. I looked down again, not wanting to see pride on a parents face. No one had ever looked at me that way. I was jealous.

“I suppose. But you need to be home by nine. And don’t think that this is going to be a common thing, eating sweets when you didn’t finish your dinner.” She pointed at Alex sternly, but still smiling. “Go on. And Kaylie, dear, I know math is hard, but Alex is very good at it. I’m expecting you to pull a good grade.”

I nodded, leaving the table and began looking around for my bag, which I was pretty sure I had ditched in my room. But before I could make it to the steps, Alex stopped me.

“Kaylie you left it in my car, c’mon.” He grabbed my hand and started to pull me to the door. “Be back later, mom.”

Wherever we were going, we were in a rush. At least that’s the impression I got as Alex went ten miles over the speed limit.

But we didn’t end up in any specific place. He parked the car in a parking lot by the river, shut the car off, and turned to me urgently. “Kaylie I am only going to ask you this once, and I want you to tell me the truth.”

He ran a hand through his hair. “You said your mom had men do things to her. I looked into it. Layla Martin, ex Dallas Cowboys cheerleader. She has cases open with her name on them, not necessarily of her being charged, but of her accusing. Did you know that every court case for Texas is online? And it wasn’t too hard to find out who your mother was, either.”

“What are you talking about?” I pulled my feet up and leaned against the door, facing Alex.

“All you have to do is type in someone’s name, and every court case with that name is open to the public. Did you know your mother filed rape charges on two different men?”


	10. Chapter Ten

His eyes were full of panic as he waited for my reaction. But I didn’t have one.

“I didn’t even know she had one… I only know about her being harassed once… I was right there, watching cartoons.” I grabbed a handful of my hair, questioning my entire life. Had I grown up with rapists in and out of my apartment? How close had I come with them?

“So, I’m only going to ask you this once. These men, I have their names, their addresses, at least the ones they had when charges were pressed. Did any of these men ever touch you? Tell me the truth.”

I raked my brain, trying to recall any memories of these men, but I could hardly picture faces, nevertheless events. “I don’t think so.”

“So answer me this.” Alex leaned forward, and grabbed my left arm and turned it so the inner arm was revealed. “Why do you have these scars?” He pointed to my self harm scars. Not cuts, but burns. Fire. It appealed to me. But I hadn’t done any of that in months.

“Alex, you don’t know what it is like to grow up how I did,” I said quickly. I already could tell I wasn’t going to make my point. It would be the same as when I had tried to defend myself to Jack. “I had no control. Half the time my mother wasn’t around, even if she was in the actual apartment. She was not THERE. You don’t understand! You can’t tell me that I’m sick, you can’t tell me that I’m wrong! You don’t understand!”

I was yelling now, trying not to cry. What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I just calm down and be normal? He only wanted to help. But my head felt like it was on fire. I needed air. I needed to get out. Away from Alex, who knew nothing. Who would never know. I flipped around and pulled open the car door, sliding out. “You don’t understand! You won’t! Not ever! You’re a privileged bastard!”

I slammed the door shut, and started to run. Alex quickly started his car, but I had already made my way through several alleyways, and he would be unable to follow me in his car. He probably thought he could cut me off.

Running down several alleyways, turning back and forth, trying to throw him off, was exhausting. I finally perched on someone’s fire escape and waited. As nine o clock came closer, I saw him turn in his car, the way home. But I was sure he would be back, probably with Isobel and Peter.

I jumped down from the fire escape. Where would I go? I didn’t want to go back to Alex’s house. Where else was there? The consequences of my actions were immediate. It was stupid for me to have done this. I didn’t know this city. I didn’t know anyone here. I didn’t know where anyone lived. There was nowhere for me to go.

I started walking blindly, reading the signs for different street names until I saw familiar places. It was then that I realized I wasnt that far from Jack’s house. I could probably go there. But would he let me in? I wouldn’t let me in.

I almost stopped walking there and texted Alex, but something told me to keep going. I didn’t want to go back by Alex tonight, anyways. I wasn’t ready to deal with the information he was offering me.

When I reached Jack’s house, I had to stop myself from just walking up and knocking on the door. Surely Jack’s parents wouldn’t appreciate me showing up at their door after nine pm. Possibly it was close to ten or maybe even later by now.

Luckily, a window on the second floor was open, and I could hear Jack quietly practicing a guitar.

“Jack!” I semi yelled between his chords. The third time, the break was longer, and he appeared at his window.

“Kaylie? What are you doing here?” He sounded genuinely confused.

“Can I… can I come in?” I picked at my fingernails as I waited for his response. When I got none, I checked his window again, but he wasn’t there. The window was shut now, even.

Of course. Just as I had thought. Why would Jack let me in? I had snapped at him today. I didn’t deserve to be let in. He was probably calling Alex as I stood there, looking like an idiot. Perhaps Alex had already called or texted him.

But then his front door opened, and there he stood, shirtless, his hair a mess, feet bare, and wearing pajama pants. “Kaylie.”

“Hi,” I said nervously, suddenly scared to go in his house. I barely knew him. What if he hurt me? But Alex trusted him, right? Surely Alex wouldn’t be friends with anyone capable of something awful.

“Come on, come in. Don’t stay out here in the cold.” He ushered me inside, and I quickly slipped inside before I could convince myself to turn and run. He quietly closed the door behind us. His house was dead quiet. “Everyone’s in bed. Mom and Dad work pretty early in the morning. They’re usually gone before I get up for school. We can go up to my room.”

Up the stairs, down the hall. Second door on the left. Jack’s room was exactly what I expected. The walls were blue. Pictures were scattered in random places on the walls, mostly pictures of him and Alex. Posters of bands, at angles. Dirty clothes littered the floor, though there was a half empty laundry basket in the corner, between two dressers. A TV was atop one of them, the other below the window I had seen him in. He had a queen sized bed, and the sheets were gray, with a black comforter and pillowcases. Four different guitars in another corner, and balled up pieces of paper, probably lyrics, on the ground.

“I’m sorry it’s so messy. Mom doesn’t make me keep it clean, really. She says it’s my room. So… if I might ask, why are you here?” Jack sat down on his bed and patted the spot next to him. I sat down. His bed was unusually comfortable.

“I… got into a fight with Alex. I don’t know why I came here. I just started walking, and I ended up here. I’m sorry.”

“Nah, don’t worry about it. I’m going to go to bed soon though. You can stay in here with me if you want. I don’t think my parents usually look in the guest room when they get up, but with my luck they will tomorrow. So it’s probably safer you stay with me. Do you want a tee shirt for bed? I can’t imagine you want to stay in your jeans, but I can understand if you don’t want to change.”

“Um, sure. I’d like to stay with you, yes.”


	11. Chapter Eleven

Jack smiled and stood, going to the dresser with the TV on it, the one directly across from the bed. He extracted a plain purple v-neck from the drawer and handed it to me. “I can give you some pajama pants but I don’t think they’re going to fit you…”

“It’s okay, I don’t need any. I’m sure this will be good.”

“Do you want me to leave while you change?”

“No, it’s okay.” I shed my jeans and shirt, standing there in my underwear.

Jack looked me over, concerned. “You’re really skinny, Kaylie. Are you sure you know what you’re doing?”

I looked up at him, watching me. “No, I’m not sure.”

He looked me up and down again. I felt like his eyes lingered a couple seconds too many, but I didn't say anything, and he continued our conversation without my help. “What were you and Alex fighting about?”

“He just… he was asking me some questions, and he found out things about my mother that I didn’t even know about. I think I overreacted, but I just don’t want to be there right now.”

“Can I tell you something?”

“I guess so.” I pulled the shirt over my head.

“I know you're probably overwhelmed by everything right now, but you can come to me if you need to. I'll be here for you if you need someone. Or even just to get away for a little bit. I'm here for you. Even if you hate me. But I'm guessing you don't hate me, since you just showed up at my house?"

“Oh.” I sat next to him. “I know we had an interesting start, and I’m sorry I snapped at you in that field. I don't hate you. I appreciate it."

“Anyways,” Jack said slowly. “It’s closing in on eleven, and we have to be awake at six thirty, so let’s go to bed now, alright?” He pulled out a plug from the outlet near his bed, instead of shutting the light off. Settling himself on the outside, he pulled back the blanket next to him, and patted the mattress.

I didn’t need any convincing. I was extremely tired. Laying down, he covered me with the blanket. “Can I cuddle you, Kaybugs?”

“Yes, please.” I was longing for attention, for love. When his body pressed against my back, I was relieved.

His breath was warm, I could feel it on my neck and shoulders. He slid his right arm underneath the pillow I was resting my head on. I could feel the lump from his arm under my neck. I turned to face him, and was surprised to see his eyes open.

He smiled at me. "Everything's gonna be okay, Kaybugs." He used his left hand to move some hair away from my face and kissed my forehead.

"I feel like it won't be," I said, looking down to his chest so I didn't have to look him in the eyes. "I know deep down that it will be, but I feel like it won't."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I don't know. Do you have any experience with your only parent killing themselves?" I looked back up to see his face. I meant for it to sound desperate, but it came out more bitchy.

"No, but I'm a really good listener." He didn't seem at all fazed by my attitude.

I bit my lip and looked back down. "Do you think Alex is going to be mad at me? I ran out of his car and hid from him. He tried to find me but I hid."

"I doubt it. He's probably more worried than anything else. Try not to think too much about it."

~x~

“Kaylie. Kaylie. Kaybugs. C’mon, it’s time to wake up.”

“Hmm…?” I rolled onto my back, and opened my eyes slowly. It was not bright, but still it wasn’t dark. Jack was standing above me, a smile on his face.

“Do you want to wear that shirt to school or a different one?” He asked, holding a hand out to help me up. “Personally, I think it looks quite cute on you. But I have a ton more.”

Standing, I looked around for my jeans. “I like this one, if that’s okay. I think it is comfy.” I located the jeans and pulled them on.

“Yeah, sure. Are you hungry?”

Yes. “No.”

“Kaylie.”

“I’ll eat lunch, I promise.”

“Fine, but I’m going to hold you to that.” He opened a small box next to his TV. Inside was an assortment of different things. “I don’t have any extra toothbrushes, but I’ve got these.” He picked out some Listerine strips from the box. “I try to avoid them cause they really clear your sinuses and the taste lasts a while, but they come in handy a lot when I’m in a rush, or about to have-“

He stopped, his eyes wide, looking at me for a reaction.

“When you’re about to have sex, you mean?” I guessed, nonchalantly. I straightened out Jack’s bed, trying to make at least one part of the room presentable.

“Well, yeah. Anyways, here.”

He held out the little purple container, lid open. Taking a strip, I set it on my tongue with no caution. Immediately it kicked in and started dissolving. Jack was right, these things cleared sinuses.

“Oh my god!”

“I told you they were strong,” he laughed. “Are you ready? I’m going to go brush my teeth, if you wanna take a glance in the mirror?”

“Why? Is my hair bad?”

“There may or may not be a few strands in headphone form.”

“Headphone form?”

“Tangled.”

I smiled at the comparison and followed him into the bathroom. After running fingers through my hair and using Jack’s comb to organize the rest, I found myself in Jack’s car, on the way to school.

“Alex said he’ll meet you by your locker.”

“You talked to him?!”

“Uh, yeah, Kaylie. You showed up at my house pretty late at night, and you live with him… He is your brother, doesn’t he have a right to know where you are?” Jack made a left turn. We were getting close. “Besides, he said he has your bag. And… something else.”

“Kaylie,” Alex burst out as soon as I got to my locker. “We have to go.”

“Are we skipping again?”

“No. We’re excused. Mom’s outside waiting for us. We’re going to a lawyers office.”

“A lawyers office?”

"Yeah... our father's alive."


End file.
